Namiyo's Twisted Fairy Tales
by Namiyo11
Summary: The abnormal adventures of Inuyasha and company, in one of those magical fairy tale forests. A series of shorts that may contain...bad, strange, scary things. Violence, Swearing, good things.
1. Tale the first The Three Little Youkai

Tale the First: The three little youkai

By Namiyo11

Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.

This story is dedicated to my young niece-a true Inuyasha fan and a lover of bedtime stories. Hence the warped tale before you when she gets both in one day at her Aunt's house. : ) I make no apologies for any twisted aspects, trust me, you ought not to read it-it's not right. But you will anyways, I'm guessing! For new readers of my work...this isn't my usual stuff! I promise.-Namiyo

Once upon a time, deep in the forest, lived three youkai.

One was fuzzy and named Shippo. One was taller and not as fuzzy, and his name was Inuyasha. Then there was the eldest of the youkai-and the tallest-and his name was Sesshomaru. They all lived in the forest happily, but with winter coming, it was decided that they needed a house.

That's when the argument began. Shippo didn't want to work much, saying he was just a little kid. Inuyasha didn't want to work with Sesshomaru. Sesshomaru said 'screw this', and just left them there arguing. He didn't like them much, you see. So, they each built a home for themselves in three identical clearings. (It was that type of forest)

Shippo built his out of straw. A little here, a little there, a dangerously undersupported roof up above-and he had a house. Kind of.

Inuyasha now, he was the smart one. He'd be the first to tell you that. He saw the house of straw and laughed himself silly. He then left the kitsune and went to a nearby, oddly matching clearing, and built from sticks. Well-they started out as logs, but he got a little...overenthusiastic with the power tools. He also threw away the 'E-Z Build plans' he downloaded from the web. But he had a house and that was what mattered. It had a door, even, and his home was less likely to be assaulted by passing cattle. So he told his neighbor Shippo, anyway.

Shippo seemed less than impressed by this.

Sesshomaru, now...he went a different way. A simple matter of hiring the local builder and soon he had a fine two bedroom, one bath brick number in 'His' clearing. He was shopping in the nearby village for new furnishings...and heard reports that a wolf was on the prowl!

"Be careful, oh dread Lord...the wolf will come!"

"This Sesshomaru is not impressed," he said, and decided on a nice embroidered set of throw pillows for the living room. The merchant shrugged, not saying a word. Sesshomaru warned his neighbors, the hanyou and the kit.

"You fools will soon be eaten, a wolf comes. Clearly...you are incapable of handling one," he announced.

The wolf came wandering through the happy little wood the next day. His name was Kouga-and first he saw the little house of straw! Probably a crazy old lady or a group of hyperintelligent squirrels (it was that sort of forest you know) lived here, he decided, seeing the classic architecture signs. It would do either way, he wasn't picky.

A knock on the door.

"Who is it?" Shippo called. Not a squirrel, then. The wolf thought for a moment. Sounded like a kid...

"Why-a grandmother! I seek refuge?" Kouga answered in falsetto as he rummaged in a sack for some things lifted from the last hut he ate at. Shredded women's clothes were waved ineffectually in front of one of the many gaps in the straw.

"Are not! You're a wolf! I'm a kitsune, we know these things!"

"I am not."

"Are too!"

"That's it!" Kouga snapped, and giant blades sprouted from his fist. His Gorashi. "Little kit, little kit, let me in, or I'll slice and slash your little house in!"

"Not by the hairs of my Uncle's warty chin!"

So the blades sliced and diced...and a haystack was born. The kitsune gasped, the kitsune ran...and pounded on his neighbor's door.

"Let me in-or the wolf will eat me!" he yelled. There was a snort from inside.

"So? Tell you what-if you say I'm great...I might let you in and protect you."

"That you're great?"

"Yeah, you fucking brat. Like I can't kick a wolf's ass." Shippo sniffed.

"How much beer have you had, Inuyasha?"

"Not much, I'm cool," Inuyasha replied with a hiccup.

"Uh-yeah, you're super keen cool badass hanyou guy." The door opened. Shippo scampered in and uncrossed his fingers.

Not ten minutes later, the wolf came trotting along to the door. Oh, great. First he plays grandmother, then tries to find a kitsune in a haystack...now he had a new house to go into! Kouga knocked.

"Ok, open up!"

"Who is-damn it. You're a wolf."

"Um...another youkai home, then?" the wolf wasn't happy.

"Yeah. So fuck off."

"Hey." Kouga sniffed, "a hanyou. Open up and let me eat you!"

"Hell no. I'll kick you assh."

"Did-you just say assh?"

"No!" came the answer. But the words were slurred a bit.

"Come on!"

"I said no!" a voice rose and Kouga listened at the door, surreptitiously checking the soundness of it. A scuffle? What the hell?

"No! Not inside!!" Shippo tried...but he did.

"I said fuck off!! Kaze no kizu!!"

The blast sent Kouga twenty feet into the air. It also...wrecked the house. The hanyou brushed sticks off himself and made a face as he held Tetsusaiga with one hand. Shippo was currently wedged in a tree some distance away. He frowned and sighed.

"Fuck this shit, I'm crashing with my brother," he decided, and staggered off.

Kouga slowly got up, and shook it off. It was ok. He was strong, determined...oh. Shippo in a tree. Distracted, he let the tipsy hanyou go merrily on his way.

Meanwhile, Sesshomaru was planning on enjoying a margarita. There was much blending at his new wet bar. Until the door was pounded on.

"Sesshomaru! Let me in, guy."

"No," Sesshomaru answered.

"Come on! I'm your brother!" Pounding.

"So? This Sesshomaru is aware of the story. I am in the brick home-and I do not require long term houseguests."

"What story? Come on!!"

Screams in the distance.

"The...three small pigs."

"Huh? Are you calling me a pig? You asshole!"

"No. I am calling you a moron." The door opened a crack as screams neared.

"HE'S GONNA EAT ME!!" Shippo. Both Inu watched as Kouga chased the kitsune nearer.

"You did not slay him?"

"Eh-small problem with the Tetsusaiga. I wasn't into it," Inuyasha noted, leaning against the door as Sesshomaru pushed back. The Lord looked disgusted.

"You blew your own house in?"

"No!" he answered with an embarrassed look.

"Admit same-or camp. The weather channel predicts rain."

"Fine! I blew my own house in! Happy?"

"Very well, but mind the new carpets." Inuyasha rolled in and went for the couch and remote.

"Got any pretzels?" he asked as Sesshomaru closed the door.

There was pounding and screaming.

"No. This Sesshomaru is watching his carb intake."

"Damn."

More pounding and screaming.

"LET ME IN!!"

"Should we? He's annoying, but well-you know," Inuyasha asked as he flicked channels.

"Hm. You will have to share a room." A horrified glance.

"Never mind," the hanyou answered.

But Sesshomaru opened the door-and a Kitsune with a chewed tail ran inside. Panting and terrified, he launched himself at the hanyou!

"You sleaze! You left me out there!!" A smack and a growl.

Outside, Kouga was freaking out. The straw house, ok. The stick one had him a bit worried. Now-a damned brick one?! Shit. He knew this story. The wolf never won. But he'd been denied food, blown up, and now chased a kitsune here. He'd come too far to let it go. Kouga squared his shoulders. All wolves knew what to say at times like this.

All three paused when there was a knock on the door.

"Youkai, youkai, let me in! Let me in or I'll slice, and I'll slash-and I'll tear my way in!"

"This Sesshomaru will not allow you in."

"Sessh-damn. You??" Inuyasha glanced up.

"I wasn't scary. But you...damn it," he grumbled. A smirk.

"Indeed. You missed the customized mailbox and 'Beware of the Dog' doormat?" the Lord inquired through the door.

"Aw, come on! At least let me eat the kitsune?" Kouga yelled.

"No. This Sesshomaru intends to do so." Shippo looked alarmed. The hanyou shrugged.

"Hey, Holidays are coming and we eat a lot. Why else do you think we keep giving you candy? You should taste pretty good with Mom's gravy."

"This Sesshomaru gets indigestion from same."

"Don't make fun of my Mom's cooking, asshole! I told you!" Inuyasha yelled.

"Excuse me, argue on your own time!" Kouga yelled through the door.

"Look, why do you want this kitsune, anyways?" Inuyasha asked, getting up to speak through the door.

"Well...I'm not sure. I got into the moment. I mean-I'm not much of a youkai eater, you know? I thought he was living in a squirrel nest or was a Grandma. If this is that Story-I'm not loving this!"

"Ah. The hyperintelligent cross-dimensional rodents dwell on the other side of the forest. However, there is a Grandmother down the road," Sesshomaru announced.

"Really?"

"Indeed. Turn right, and eat the woman in the house on the left hand side, third hut past the fork in the road." Kouga jotted this down and grinned.

"Thanks!"

"Our pleasure." They waited until he left, and looked at each other.

"Grandmother Kaede's going to kill that wolf," Shippo commented. That was the hut he had been directed to, after all. Just past the one with the two Priestesses who tormented their adopted monk sibling, Mirokuella. It was Miroku, actually...but they added the 'ella' and made him wear a dress whenever he tried to avoid using it.

"Yep," Inuyasha nodded.

"Shouldn't we warn someone? I'll go-"

"This Sesshomaru has no objections." The door opened for the kit. Shippo paused.

"You guys...aren't really going to eat me, are you?"

Both brothers looked at one another.

"Of course not, kid. What kind of creatures do you take us for? That was just to get him off our backs," Inuyasha said firmly. Shippo smiled and nodded. He then happily scooted off to watch Kaede kill the wolf.

They looked at each other.

"If he doesn't come back-you get to tell Dad you lost our traditional dinner."

"Acceptable. If he returns, we continue to fatten him as Father requested. If not-I am spared your Mother's cooking. Mortals cannot prepare traditional youkai dishes properly."

Inuyasha glared. But was distracted by a proffered Margarita.

And they all lived happily ever after.

Author's notes-Warped, yes? I rather thought so. Funny I hope! So I dashed this off and elected to share it with folks. : ) Thanks for Reading!-Namiyo


	2. Tale the second Little Red Haori Hood

Tale the Second: Little Red Haori Hood

By Namiyo11

I do not own Inuyasha or related characters, nor do I make money from same. They belong to Rumiko Takahashi and her designees. The other story I'm warping is I do believe public domain. I also do not own 'Monty Python', and I think you know that too.

Once upon a time, in one of those forests, the ones filled with magic, a kindhearted boy was given a task by his mother...

"Inuyasha! I have a errand, my dearest!" Izayoi's voice floated through the family home. Having lost his home due to a combination of alcohol, his sword, and a hungry wolf, then been kicked out of his brother's pad...he'd discovered you could indeed go home again.

"Alright, Mother. Dinner'll be late then?" he didn't even look up from the tube as a flutter of songbirds announced his mother's entrance into the room. They promptly began cleaning everything in sight and he lifted his feet for her devoted mouse slaves, dressed in tiny kimonos and armed with brooms. These things happened when your mother was a sweet, loving, gentle princess.

They did live in that kind of forest.

Her perpetual smile thinned. She gestured for her birds to deliver a massive basket, the poor things nearly collapsing under the weight.

"No, dearest boy, you have an errand. I want you to take this basket to your human grandmother's house, deeper into the forest. I haven't time today to take her the weekly goodies."

"Isn't she dead? I never heard of her before."

"No. She just doesn't like you, dearest."

"Then why the hell-"

"Because I asked you. Because you are a good, brave, dutiful son. Because you are living here rent free and your Father has considered making you start earning your keep, possibly with working as the new dragon shit shoveler at the Forbidden Castle of Doom until you again elect to discover there is life beyond cable and beer. Because I am the only thing standing between you working there or being tossed out on your ass, dearest son of mine," her eyes narrowed behind the perfect smile. He paused.

"Grandmother, then?" A smile.

"Yes. I'm so glad we talked, my dearest," she beamed and fluttered away.

He sighed and got the basket.

"Don't forget your firerat!"

"Yeah, yeah."

And so the kindhearted boy set off down the dark path to the home of his aged grandmother. He'd heard many stories about the dark, deep forest, but was cheerful as he walked along.

"Damn Mom...Damn Grandma...Damned...goodie basket?" he frowned. It was opened and sniffed. Yarn. A cake. Some odds and ends. He scowled at the foot cream and shuddered at the adult undergarments. An old biddy who knitted with a sweet tooth, foot fungus, and incontinence.

Wonderful.

Better get this over with. Fast. And so the brave, kindly boy hurried onwards. As he walked, he passed a woodcutter.

"Timber!!" A glance, and the plaid kimono clad human stared at him as the tree toppled. Shouldering his axe, he strolled over to say hello.

"Hello, good fellow! Where are you bound today?"

"To my Grandmother's, not that it's any business of yours."

"Well, be careful. I hear there are wolves around."

"Yeah? Great. I sent the last one I met packing. I ain't exactly worried."

"Well, if you have need, call and I will hear. I am Houjo, kindly metrosexual woodsman," he posed and damn it! Light bounced off his perfect teeth as he smiled.

"So you're a lumberjack and you're ok? You drink all night and you work all day?" Inuyasha shot back.

Houjo paused.

"I am a social drinker, and I do not wear woman's clothes, bud. I also happen to get more hot maiden action with my clean living and friendly demeanor than you ever will with the surly bad boy crap. Now fuck off, and I hope it eats you for the damned 'Monty Python' reference."

"Screw you!"

"Asshole!!"

And so, leaving behind the friendly woodsman, the kind, brave boy strolled on.

Meanwhile, at the kindly Grandmother's house...

A knock at the door. The scowling, tiny old woman opened it, already yelling.

"About damned time, girl! Late again, useless, youkai marrying wretch! You never can see to your duty to your...poor...old...stringy mother??" she added as she saw her visitor.

"Oh yes. Score! Come here, Grandma! Lunch time, boys!" Kouga looked gleeful as his wolves went to work. But he had to share her out with his pack. She was also stringy. And incontinent. And had a foot fungus.

He groaned and went looking for antacids. Finding none, he sprawled on her bed in the one room hovel, wincing. Ohhh...sour to the end, that one. Plus he was still hungry.

Wait, she said girl.

Girls were much tastier then Grandmas.

A plan came to mind.

So it was that the brave, kindly boy arrived at the modest home of his Grandma, carrying a basket of goodies.

"Hello?" a voice called. Kouga heard, and dove into the bed, tugging the scarf tightly around his head.

The door swung open.

It wasn't a girl. It was a hanyou. One who was sniffing.

"Oh, hell, wolf shit! You ate my fucking Grandma?!"

"Well well, if it ain't the drunk with the exploding house who thought it'd be funny to send me after a damned Priestess with a bow. Yeah, I ate your Grandma-that the hag was your Grandma. She tasted like crap, thanks!"

"Probably. She had a fungus and wore adult diapers."

"Yes. Yes, she did," Kouga scowled as he sat up in the bed. Inuyasha glared, set the basket down, and went for his sword.

"I'm gonna have to kill you."

"Why? She was a bitch. And not in the cool, canine way, in the evil old biddy way."

"Tell me about it. The old cow never so much as knit me a damned sweater! But she was my damned Granny! Besides, you fucking made me blow up my own damned house!"

A pause as Kouga tossed back the covers.

"So take this one! Well, you could-if I wasn't about to kill you," the wolf said sharply. At that, the hanyou froze in excitement. Rent free, not too shabby...there was room for a beer fridge...

"Y'know what? Not a bad plan, wolf. After you're dead, I'll move in here."

"You'll be dead, not me! But just tell me one thing, asshole. Where's the chick that was supposed to be here? She was expecting a chick! Not some mutt," Kouga demanded. Inuyasha paused, considering.

A fight in here would wreck the place, and while Mom would like that he avenged her-he'd be shoveling shit at the Castle of Doom soon enough without a new place.

"Hm. Tell you what. You ain't got to fight me, wolf. Let's call it square. I tried to have you killed, you ate my granny. Square?"

A suspicious frown met this.

"No dice. I'm still hungry."

"Then go eat her. The chick."

"Is this a trick?"

"Nope. My mom's assistant. One of those pretty milkmaids that show up mysteriously. I only brought this basket to, y'know, impress her. Women love that thoughtful crap."

"Tell me about it," Kouga nodded. "I'll warn you though. If this is a damned trick, I will rip you in half, mutt."

"Keh. Trust me, it's a girl. In a plaid dress thing. Bright shiny teeth down the road. Can't miss her."

"Alright. We have a deal," Kouga nodded, and left.

Inuyasha glanced around the hut and found the remote, eating the cake as he began to whistle 'The Lumberjack Song'. He figured Houjo and Kouga ought be meeting just about...

Screams and crashing could be heard in the distance.

Yep. Now.

And they lived happily ever after.

Author's notes-Next up is 'The Three Youkai', and after that is 'Jaken in Boots'. In any case, thanks for reading!-Namiyo


	3. Tale the third The Three Youkai

Tale the Third: The Three Youkai

Once upon a time, in one of those magical forests, was a little cabin in a clearing.

And in this cabin lived three youkai. A Papa, and two of his children. The eldest daughter living at home was named Kagura, and she was like a Mama to her younger brother, Akago, the baby of their large family. Who talked.

Papa Naraku looked up from his paper and scowled as he tasted the porridge Kagura had made for breakfast.

"Kuku! This porridge is too hot!" he glared and made a fist, nearly crushing Kagura's heart.

"Do it...and you'll have to...change...diapers..." Kagura hissed, clutching her chest. She was immediately released.

"This porridge is almost perfect, Kagura," Baby Akago allowed when she spooned some up for him.

"Now my porridge is too cold. Great," Kagura sighed. She was never meant to be a cook.

"Hm. We shall go out for breakfast," Naraku allowed, and rose to take his baboon pelt cloak off the hook. Kagura nodded, and collected the complaining Baby. They left the happy little cabin, and Mama Kagura frowned at Papa Naraku.

"Aren't you locking the door?"

"Who would dare enter the lair of Naraku?" he asked, and she shrugged.

"Suit yourself."

Off they went.

Not too long after, a handsome, somewhat ragged wolf staggered into the clearing, having just escaped from a metrosexual woodsman with an axe. His stomach upset after eating a sour, fungus laden Granny, he looked up and saw the cheery little cabin.

"I will kill that muttface! Woman my ass. Damned woodsman," Kouga growled, and winced as he sniffed. Youkai. But not here. Also-rice porridge.

Good for indigestion, rice porridge.

So the handsome wolf went to the door, and discovered it was open. Curious and hungry, he crept inside the cheery little cabin.

It was very odd. He saw three chairs in front of the big screen television, and three stools with three bowls of porridge laid out at the table. A set of steps led upwards, but the brave, handsome wolf knew no one was around. So Kouga went to the largest bowl, that was Naraku's, and dug in.

"OW! This porridge is way too hot!" he yelped and whimpered as it burned his tongue.

Deciding it wasn't right, he moved to the next bowl, Kagura's. He ate some, and spat it out.

"Too cold! Yuck!" he snapped, really annoyed now. His eyes went to the third bowl, Akago's, and it was the smallest of the three.

Even so, he tried it.

"Not bad, not bad at all!" Kouga nodded to himself, and ate every bite. Burping and full, he wanted to rest a bit after the terrible fright with the woodsman. So he went to watch a little cable, maybe relax some, and chose to find a comfortable chair.

The largest chair, Papa Naraku's, was large, hard cushioned, and had a motif of evil dragons and tormented youkai and humans carved into it. He frowned, but sat in it anyway. He suddenly had a strange craving to control the world and also to cackle.

"This chair is too hard, and too creepy!" Kouga announced and jumped up.

He then chose the second chair, Mama Kagura's, and he looked it over carefully. It seemed like a well padded and comfortable chair in a cheerful pink gingham. He sat carefully. Ahhh. Comfortable. He tried to reach for the remote and discovered he was still sinking into the chair.

"Help!" a scream as he desperately wriggled free of the enfolding gingham hell. Panting and frightened, but unwilling to show it, the handsome wolf stared at the smallest chair. Hm. Alrighty. So the handsome wolf sat. It was comfy. It was actually quite a nice little recliner.

He was also quite a bit over the suggested weight limit.

"Damn it!!" Kouga yelled as he found himself lying in splinters.

Furious, curious, he glared at the stairs leading up. He nodded to himself, and stalked up them, desperately tired and just wanting a rest.

He found three doors, and tried one, Papa Naraku's room. One look, and he shut it firmly.

"Oh, hell no. Waaay to weird, not going in," he said firmly.

The second door was Kagura's, and he spotted more gingham and shuddered, deciding that it would be way too soft.

That left one, and he opened it. A nursery, with a crib. A big crib. He considered, yawned...and said what the hell. So the tired, handsome, too curious for his own good wolf curled up in Baby Akago's crib for a little nap.

Some time later, the three youkai returned from the restaurant, to discover they were not alone!

"Someone was eating my porridge!" Papa Naraku said in a fine fury.

"Mine too, Naraku, and they actually spit it back into the bowl," Kagura frowned.

"My porridge. It's gone!" Akago looked furious.

"Hm, well now, it seems someone did dare to-irk," Kagura clutched her chest as Naraku punished her for being a smart ass.

"My chair has been sat in. Kagura. Find and kill them," Naraku instructed.

"Mine too, and will you look at that?" Kagura was flicking open her fan when she spotted the remnants of Akago's chair. The baby incarnation was outraged.

"They will pay for this! I will devour their souls! Kagura! Take me to them," the baby ordered.

"Don't give me orders, kid," the sorceress snapped, and read the winds. So. He was still here? Interesting. She did, however, pick up the still bitching infant on her way upstairs.

"I will eat his soul!"

"If he went into Naraku's bedroom, he'll be easy meat," Kagura noted softly. She steeled herself and opened Naraku's door. She shuddered, and shut it when she saw it was empty.

"Don't judge Naraku for his love of the Smurfs, Kagura," Akago chided.

"It's the Smurfette shrine that's too weird. Freak," Kagura scowled.

"Perhaps," the baby allowed, and Kagura checked her own room before she turned to the baby's.

"Only one place left," she said.

"He better not be in there!"

"Hm," she opened the door, and stared at the handsome wolf in the crib, snorting and snoring softly in his sleep under the quilt.

"Wolf drool! He is dead!" Akago hissed.

"Probably," Kagura smiled and opened her fan. "Wake up...Kougalocks!"

"Huh? Who-oh shit!" Kouga recognized them, alright. Also the story he'd wandered into.

"Dance of the-"

"Not in my room! Don't you dare break my room up!" Akago yelled.

"Naraku's orders! Dance of the-oof!" she was knocked over as the brave, handsome wolf fled. Out cold and with a footprint on her forehead, Kagura was unable to stop the wolf as he fled. Out the door, down the stairs, and past the chairs he ran, fast as fast could be. All the way home he fled, and screamed.

"NOOOOO..."

From that day on, Naraku locked his doors, and never again would Kougalocks break into someone's home. Lessons learned, they all, well, you know...

Lived Happily Ever After.

Author's notes-Thanks for reading!-Namiyo


	4. Tale the fourth Sesspunzel

Tale the fourth: Sesspunzel

By Namiyo11

Once upon the time, in a magical forest...

A powerful Lord fumed as he sat in the tower, awaiting the hated call.

"Sesspunzel, Sesspunzel, let down your long hair! That I may climb the silver stair!"

"This Sesshomaru...will do so," he sighed, and allowed the ridiculous length of silver hair to drop to the ground, cursing his father and wincing as the old witch grabbed hanks and began to climb up.

Father. He would pay!

Two weeks earlier.

Everything had been going so well! His eldest was well settled, his youngest had finally moved out, and his hated Mother in law was dead at last. So, it was only natural that Inutaisho would be happy. Until the certified scroll arrived. The one he'd moved from castle to castle dodging for centuries.

Apparently, you could only dodge these things for so long.

It was what brought him to the perfect clearing his eldest child dwelt in. Sesshomaru's brick, wolf proof home. He sighed, and knocked.

"Father?" Sesshomaru's voice came from inside as the door opened.

"Son, I bear sad news. You have a task to do, my son," he explained, and handed it over. Sesshomaru read it twice.

"A bill...for vegetables?" he asked with disdain, certain this was a joke.

"Your mother's cravings, son. I had no choice but to offer payment," Inutaisho smiled. "Besides, I was told you were a girl child," he offered.

"I believe the author has already written that tale with the halfbreed! Happy ending delay-" At that, Inutaisho looked alarmed and cut him off.

"Fourth wall, fourth wall...shut up before she punishes you!"

"I dare her. This Sesshomaru-"

-Poof-

He was suddenly in a pink room, dressed in a flowing flowered muumuu. He looked at the sparkly 'My Little Pony' themed walls, and down at his pregnant belly. Hm. He was still a male, just a pregnant one. And was that-leprechauns dancing outside, singing the theme song to 'The Love Boat'? Indeed. The scroll in his hands now read 'we can do this one instead...'

"accedes to the original request in the scroll," he finished smoothly.

-Poof-

He was back in the clearing with the same speed he'd left, and shuddered. He patted his now happily flat middle, and lifted his chin. So. Service in a tower, then? Very well.

But he did check for ponies on arrival.

Now, Tsubaki could get into her treasure vault at last, humming happily as she climbed. Hundreds of years, and that foolish Lord had thought he could take from her without payment? Never! All because his wife loved her rampion, that grew in the garden around the tower. She'd properly demanded the child in payment for the produce, yet the rotten dog had run off with it and his bride. Wretches. It had taken a lot of hair growth magic and a voice alteration spell to get things close to where they should be. But now, all was well, and her living, breathing security entrance was in place at last.

If it weren't for their neighbor, life would be perfect.

"YES! Pull harder, old hag! Make him sing again!" A fist pumped as Inuyasha, beer in hand, camped out in his front yard on a lounge chair with a cooler and a select group of friends, watching the daily show. Sesshomaru, if he could ever get out of the tower...was going to kill him. The hanyou's inherited hovel was right next door.

He'd laughed for two straight weeks.

His brother grimly pulled the hair up, and ignored the hooting from the next yard.

"Brush it well, and plait it, Sesspunzle! The pretty hair must be kept so!" Tsubaki ordered. Bound by the magic, he did as she ordered...brooding and plotting. She would die, his brother would die...a lot of people were going to die when he got out of here!

"Sing while I count my fortune, Sesspunzle! For so long, I had no songs to comfort me," Tsubaki ordered.

Sesspunzle glared. But he had no choice. He opened his mouth...and a beautiful soprano emerged. Tsubaki's work, she felt it inappropriate to hear a man's voice serenade her when she was promised a daughter.

In vengeance for the laughter-he always sang Opera. A benefit of the magic was he was near to being able to shatter glass with a note. He might get lucky and puncture his brother's eardrums with the right aria. Ignoring the boos and drunken requests, he sang as ordered.

But a woodcutter heard...and sighed. For two weeks, he'd heard the most marvelous music! Houjou, the Prince of a small kingdom currently serving as a humble woodcutter...sighed again. It was one of those forests, you know. You couldn't actually throw a bread roll without hitting a disguised Lord or Prince in humble peasant garb.

But he was in love.

The next day, the handsome Prince slipped closer to the towel of the witch, and heard her.

"Sesspunzle, Sesspunzle, let down your long hair! That I may climb your silver stair!"

A glittering silver plait fell to the ground, and the witch climbed with grunts. Houjou watched with shock as the rotten hanyou he'd met a few weeks earlier hooted and mocked the poor Princess, a mere maiden trapped within the foul tower of a witch! It was too much for the kind Prince to bear. He stormed over after the witch was inside, and glared.

"How dare you mock her!"

"Well, well, if it ain't the lumberjack," Inuyasha sneered. But he paused at the pronoun. "Her? What her?"

"Sesspunzle! The poor maid, trapped-" he stopped dead and listened, rapt, as the singing began again. Inuyasha was wincing at the high notes. He considered...and smiled slowly. One thought came to mind.

Best. Practical. Joke. Ever!

"Come with me," Inuyasha asked, and opened his hovel's door. Houjou was all but shoved inside. He didn't want anyone listening to this.

"What are you up to?" Houjou asked, and Inuyasha just smiled.

"Y'know, you are so right. But see-I can't help the...Princess. Dad's orders, I can't even if I wanted to. Family obligation. Here's the deal, though. There ain't no reason you can't."

"You are bound to be so rotten? Do you know her?" Houjou asked, and Inuyasha smiled.

"Oh, yeah. I know her."

"Is she as lovely as her song?" he asked eagerly, and Inuyasha shrugged.

"I can't say if she's pretty to a mortal...but sure, you'd be real cute together!" he answered, having difficulty keeping a straight face.

"Really? Ahhh, perhaps I've misjudged you, having thought you just a scumbag hanyou with issues!" Houjou offered, and smiled. Inuyasha almost felt guilty...until the man finished speaking. This shmuck so was asking for it!

"Anyways, what are you going to do once you say-get to her?"

"Why, I shall rescue her, declare my love, and ask her hand in marriage! Then, I shall whisk her off to my castle-oh, dear," Houjou looked embarrassed.

"Look, I know you're a Prince. Please, your teeth are way too shiny for anything else."

"Oh. Right," Houjou smiled again, and the light bouncing from them hit Inuyasha in the eye, making him wince. "Anyways, know you of any way to free her?"

"Sure, I've heard of this story. Here's what you do..." and they planned.

The next day, Sesspunzle was in hell, as usual, and sighed as his brother sat outside and watched his humiliation, again as usual. The witch finally left, and he settled in for a long night of hair care and scheming when he heard her below.

"Sesspunzle, Sesspunzle, let down your long hair! That I may climb your silver stair!" He sighed, and lowered the hated hair.

Wincing, he wondered if the witch had suddenly gained weight.

But the hands that finally gripped the sill and the face that popped over the side made him freeze in horror.

"Fair Princess! Fear not, for I am here to save you!" Houjou announced as he climbed in, and the temperature dropped in the room.

"Fair...Princess?" a beautiful voice asked coldly. Houjou posed and smiled.

A smile that faded as he looked carefully at the masses of hair...and the face markings. He relaxed. She must be shy, he decided. So what if she looked a little manly?

"Indeed! Come, fair maid, for I would take you to my castle, and make you my Princess!"

Sesshomaru noted flashes of light from the window-and saw Inuyasha with a camcorder and a telephoto lens out in his yard.

"You have a way to escape?"

"I do! My good friend Inuyasha did help me! Apparently, you can leave by the window if you are brought a rope! He even had a recording of the witch's voice to activate the command to release your magnificent hair! Come, my maid, and be free!" Houjou unwound a rope from his waist and smiled. Sesshomaru's eye twitched. He...had the means to release him? Oh, really?

"Hmp. Give me that." The rope was tied efficiently and the Lord nearly knocked him over with his hair as he clambered out. Glaring, he slid down the rope and landed in a pile of hair. He growled and drew his sword, cutting it at last, feeling the compulsion to tend it vanish.

Turning, he walked away from the eager Prince behind him, who was asking him to mount a white horse he had saddled and readied by the tower.

Instead, Sesshomaru stalked over to where his brother was rolling on the ground and laughing. He cleared his throat. An experimental hum, and he noted he had his voice back.

Inuyasha looked up when the camera was calmly turned to his hovel, and Sesshomaru looked through it. Acceptable. He took up a post in frame, dragging his brother with him. He wanted this addition to the little film! After all, it required an ending.

"Uh...hey, big brother, so uh...I got you out!"

Toujikin was drawn.

"Hey! What are you doing? It was just a joke!"

It was held level.

"Sesshomaru!"

It was invoked.

"YOU ASSHOLE!"

A hovel exploded.

"WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!"

Sesshomaru smiled.

"Run, Inuyasha."

The screaming pair tore through the woods, and Houjou sat in a pile of hair...wondering what the hell happened.

And they lived happily ever after.

End Notes:

Ok! I know I said it was going to be 'Jaken in Boots', but this one went so smoothly I decided not to fight it. I hope you enjoyed, and thanks for reading!-Namiyo


	5. Tale the fifth Jaken in Boots

Tale the fifth: Jaken in Boots

All needed disclaiming is to be considered disclaimed.

Once upon a time, in one of those magical forests...

A Miller died, leaving behind three children to divide his poor fortune. A Mill, a donkey, and a cat. The eldest took the Mill, the middle the donkey that ran it-and all that was left was the cat. The youngest, Rin, accepted this as her lot. She was a quiet, kindly girl, patient and gentle. Besides, it was a fair portion because the cat was magical.

Even if it was a very ugly cat...it talked.

"Do not worry, sweet sister, the cat will aid you. We shall be able to make a good living combining our inheritances...and he will lead you to a good life," her sisters promised.

"How often must I say it? I am not a cat!!" Jaken screamed. The nearsighted girl just cuddled the protesting Imp. She never spoke, Rin, and just smiled. The cat was magical and clever, and thus would help her make her fortune.

As for the Imp...he wondered how an entire family could suffer from both insanity and nearsightedness.

So, when Jaken the cat left, Rin gladly followed. Alright, when he ran away from her. The poor Imp just wanted to be left alone. After months of a crazy old Miller and his poor but kindly family-he wanted to set the Minion Placement Service on fire in retaliation for sending him there! So what if he'd gotten a bad report from his last post? It wasn't fair that he'd been made to demean himself by working for humans!

So he tried running away from her...and she patiently followed, rapidly becoming lost.

"Stupid girl, now we will starve and die. I must do something, I suppose," Jaken sighed. Obviously she wasn't going anywhere. He realized the best course was to settle them in some sort of good situation.

The question was how.

Rin wondered at the scream filled call to someplace called the MPS. Then he looked miserable, and determined, then she wondered at his demand she purchase him a newspaper and get him some clothing...including boots. She had no money, after all. But she'd spotted washing, and did what she could in repayment. All she could think of, being a poor but kindly girl.

So, poor Mirokuella was left having to explain what happened to his stepsister's doll clothes when they were stolen from the line. As he listened to them scream at him, he did wonder why the clothes basket was full of wildflowers, along with a pile of them where the daily paper usually was. While he could appreciate the gift of beauty, he didn't appreciate being forced to sew new doll clothes for his evil stepsisters.

Still-it looked like a story had passed by, and he wished the girl well.

As for Jaken, now in boots, he planned. According to the paper, Lord Sesshomaru had recently escaped from a tower. So, he'd be heading home. Such a Lord needed minions to attend to his needs. To clean and attend to his home, his meals, perhaps blow up the occasional enemy.

Perfect.

He ordered the girl to get him a bag, and to wait in a charming clearing nearby. She did, and he left to set the trap...er...find them a place.

Lord Sesshomaru, slightly singed, annoyed, and glaring at his own hair, staggered as he tottered through the woods. Damned Tetsusaiga. Kaze no kizu hurt! Damned mutt. Damned Father. Damned Princes proposing! He was muttering this as he fell over in exhaustion.

A kindly orphan child heard, and discovered a lump in the grass. She did what she could for him. He growled, and she was a little frightened, but took up her courage to help him. Cool water was gotten, and she gave him the little food she had.

He was rather bemused, but allowed it.

Eating helped. He rose and left when she was off looking for her cat, and Rin discovered the space under the tree was empty. She wished him well.

Sesshomaru hit his cottage to discover someone was inside. He sniffed and glared. They would die. Also, they had better not have gotten anything on his carpet.

When he slammed open the door...he stared.

"Greeting, great and noble Lord! A meal is readied, and I, Jaken, servant of the Lady Rin, humbly offer to serve it to you," Jaken bowed deeply.

"Who?" Sesshomaru scowled.

"Lady Rin, the one I serve, noble Lord. She heard of your tremendous victory, and sent me with this fresh fish to prepare it and offer it to you as a gift!" Jaken lied desperately, holding up the bag he'd used for transporting the fish.

"Hm," he scowled. But the truth was, he was exhausted. And hungry. He checked for poisons, and finding none, ate.

This was the first such occasion, but soon, Jaken was arriving nearly daily with fresh fish, small game, anything he could catch, really. Part went to the girl, but the finest of each catch went to the Lord. Each time, he said they were all gifts of the Lady Rin. Sesshomaru grew curious about her, and Jaken merely said she was from a far land, and wished only to show her respect and offer her friendship to him.

Sesshomaru was happy enough with the free food, all expertly prepared.

Finally, Jaken judged it time.

He had Rin bathe...and stole her clothes. Then he went and yelled to Sesshomaru to help the poor child!

When Sesshomaru found a small, mute, miserable little girl, he gravely had her dress in his clothes and saw her home. Jaken saw to it she was tucked into the guest room with a blanket and hot tea. Then he explained that her rich kimono had been stolen, and the great Lady's attendants had fled from the thieves.

"That isn't true, Master Jaken. You stole my clothes, and I am only an orphaned Miller's daughter," Rin answered suddenly...and Jaken stopped dead.

She picks now to talk??

Sesshomaru was very quiet as he watched the pair. Jaken was screaming at her, and the little girl was insisting that the cat was lying. She obviously knew nothing of the deception, and might well be brain damaged, he decided. Or blind. Merely a simple human child.

"That is not a cat," Sesshomaru said finally.

"Yes he is! Look!" Rin grabbed Jaken in boots by the scruff of the neck and held him up. Sesshomaru frowned.

"He is an Imp," the Lord repeated.

"No! Look! He drinks milk, he lived at the Mill and chased the rats away. He's a cat!"

"Uh...huh..." Sesshomaru answered.

"I can explain!" Jaken in boots managed.

"You will explain," the Lord pointed to the girl. The poor Imp wanted to die as Rin obediently told her sad little story. She got up, went outside in her borrowed clothes, and came back a few moments later with a bunch of wildflowers.

"I am sorry, Lord Sesshomaru. We will go. But these are for you," she said, and the kind little girl offered them earnestly. They were accepted.

The Lord considered, and nodded. He then told them to remain there and left.

All day, Jaken worried, but nothing happened. When the pair finally went to sleep, he decided that Lord Sesshomaru was a kind, magnificent youkai. He had taken pity on them.

He woke up to discover he was no longer on the couch. In fact...he was in a box in the front yard. A sign was on a stick next to them, and he screamed.

"Free kitten to a good home??"

Jaken scampered out of the box, and decided they were getting back inside, come what may. But Rin wasn't outside. No. She was inside, and waved sadly at him from the door. Lord Sesshomaru stood behind her, and gestured.

"Rin. If you are hungry, there is food. Then we go to the Optometrist," he intoned.

"Thank you, my Lord!" Rin beamed and scurried inside. Sesshomaru saw no harm in returning the favor of her kind, unselfish act in the forest. She would be permitted to remain if she wished. He had a guest room, after all, and she was charming. However...Lord Sesshomaru didn't like cats. A pity, she thought, wanting to make sure Jaken in Boots got a good home with someone who'd cuddle him.

At least, until she came back with him, wearing her new eyeglasses...and screamed.

And they lived happily ever after.

Author's note-This one's more cute than funny, I think. I have a big soft spot for Rin, so I suppose I couldn't be too mean to her. You might recognize their meeting from the Kouga anime arc where she is introduced. The silliness will return next time! For those who haven't read the original forms of these stories, I recommend Sur la lune fairy tales. They're annotated as well, very nice. The link is on my LJ, because I don't seem to have a lot of luck with putting them here. Just search or click. Thanks for reading!-Namiyo


	6. Tale the sixth Mirokuella

Mirokuella

By Namiyo11

Disclaimed!

This one is for all the kind folks who've asked for more of these tales!

Once upon a time, in one of those magical woods, a young man in a beat up kimono sighed as he was harangued.

"Clean the dishes, sweep the Shrine, wash the floors and make them shine, Mirokuella!" Kikyo ordered.

"Cook the meals and bathe the cats, night and day those are your tasks, Mirokuella!" Kagome agreed. The sisters smiled at one another. Ohhh, mother had been brilliant to marry so well! A rich old monk with plenty to support the grasping Higurashi. Plus, they got a new plaything in their 'sister' Mirokuella.

"I know," he answered sadly, collecting the bucket and broom and setting to work. Miroku sighed and swept the house, remembering the old days.

It used to just be him and his father Mushin in the small but wealthy Shrine. Then...Keiko came along. She completely swept in, and before he knew it had wed father and moved in with her two obnoxious and spoiled daughters. A proud, haughty woman, she ruled the place completely with a poisoned smile. That was when he became their servant in all but name. Either that-or be tossed out on the streets, as father Mushin just couldn't stand up to her. Oh, it would be done n a sweet way, sure-"time to begin your wanderings, Miroku!" but no, thanks very much.

He knew the stories by heart. Bad things happened to young men tossed out into magical forests to fend for themselves! Besides, they had insane Inu, talking wolves, and a rash of kitsune disappearances around the holidays every year. Not to mention the interdimensional hyper intelligent squirrels. No, much safer here.

So he spent his days cleaning and polishing and scrubbing and cooking. He laundered and gardened and attended to picking up after his horrible stepsisters. He lived in the kitchen now, the girls having taken the proper bedrooms, and was blamed for the least little thing that went wrong. He put up with their constant petty cruelty with at least a try at smiling. Mirokuella kept telling himself this was wonderful for the development of his patience.

Also not to use "A Guide to Poison" as a cookbook, no matter how untraceable it might seem.

But it happened that a local King had a beautiful daughter, and all of the local people of good family were invited to her birthday ball. The invitation arrived, and his heart leapt. All of the family were invited! All of them! Perhaps he could go, and see the beautiful party for himself!

But alas, it was not to be. Stepmother Keiko laughed when he suggested it.

"Now now, little Mirokuella, you know better than to ask! Silly boy, you shall not go to the ball! After all, all you would do is behave inappropriately, grabbing rear ends and perhaps embarrass the Shrine!" her eyes blazed as she spoke, belying her kindly smile.

"Yes, Stepmother," he sighed. So, he wasn't going to the ball. Not unexpected. He was, however, expected to help his stepsisters prepare.

His stepsisters were absolutely blissful, eagerly choosing and rechoosing outfits and constantly fussing with their hair and jewelry. He ironed and cleaned and fetched and carried, made hair appointments and took them to the Magical Forrest Tanning and Nail Salon. This was hell, and he was in it!

At last, the sisters and his Stepmother were ready, and left in a carriage to go. Mushin took a swig from his sake and passed out on the recliner watching old movies as usual...and Miroku was left with chores.

But when he went to the well to fetch water, a remarkable thing happened. A creature sat on the well edge, sighing. He was in a formal kimono, obviously dressed for the ball-yet was here.

"Damn Miroku! Took you long enough!"

"Inuyasha? Why aren't you off plotting to get into the twin bitches' pants or something?" Miroku demanded. He hadn't seen the hanyou in weeks! Not since he lost his Grandmother's hovel in a tragic family argument. He'd wandered off or something, last he heard. But here he was...and he was wearing fake fairy wings that had obviously seen better days.

This did not bode well.

"Well, funny thing. I lost my house, right?"

"Yeah," Miroku agreed carefully.

"I had to move home-and the old man make me take a temp job with the Godmother service."

"What?" Miroku asked, setting the bucket down and frowning.

"You heard me. At least some Prince in disguise took the shit shoveling job," he muttered. Mirokuella didn't understand the reference. Inuyasha didn't explain.

"So...you're here to...?" the poor monk asked.

"You are my first assignment! Mirokuella...you will go to the ball!" Inuyasha said with annoyance, and produced a wand and a pointed powder blue hat with a veil. He scowled as he put the hat on, batting the veil out of the way with a scowl.

"You're joking."

"No, and one word about the hat and wings? Means you are dead. I have to wear them. Also, you will give me a good customer service note, got it?" Inuyasha warned, seeing Miroku's expression.

"Laugh? Never! I swear I will, no matter what! But are you sure about this?" the monk promised-desperately trying not to lose it at the sight of his...Godfather.

"Alright. Here we are, it's right here on my schedule. It says...Mirokuella, one ball, all trimmings, standard midnight clause. But if you laugh, tell anyone, or think I'm doing a musical number, again, I kill you slowly," Inuyasha answered, checking his handheld.

"That...that story? Me? Really?" Miroku said in disbelief. That story meant girl. Hot princess girl! Oh yes! Yes yes yes!

"Come on, we've got work to do and I ain't waiting too long!"

So the kind fairy took up his wand, and made magic. A wave of his wand, and he frowned.

"You got a..." he checked the handheld again, "Pumpkin, squash, or apple?"

"Apple!" Miroku dashed in and got it, setting it down. It became a charming little carriage.

"Ok...I need mice...an old horse...birds will do..." Inuyasha frowned at the list of transfiguration creatures and items that scrolled up.

"No mice. The cats..."

"Can I have one? I like playing with cats," Inuyasha asked. Buyo was grabbed and handed over as Miroku went to work collecting the items.

Soon, the kindly Fairy Godmoth-father, that is, made magic, punctuated by Buyo's complaints. He turned the old nag into a graceful charger to draw the handsome carriage, and birds into a footman and coachman. Then he frowned at Miroku's beat up clothes.

"Ok...hm, let's see," he walked around the monk, who sighed.

"I know, alright? I know!" he protested.

"Well, it's a girl's kimono, Miroku. I mean, damn! Have a little spine! Stand up to those wenches!" Inuyasha chided with disgust.

"I try, but they do terrible things to me!" Miroku sighed sadly. Inuyasha squinted, aimed, and cast the magic with a flick of his wrist.

"Alright...here goes!"

A scream followed.

"CHANGE ME BACK!!"

"Oops." A very nervous hanyou stared at what he'd done. He'd gone to make Miroku look his best in the clothes provided...and it had worked.

But there was a small problem. Alright, a big problem. Huge. A complete uh oh. Not good. Oh, crap.

"You made me a girl, you asshole!" the beautiful maiden standing there screamed. Perfectly dressed hair, the perfect touch of makeup, the perfect gown, even slippers made of glass.

"Well...sorry?" Inuyasha winced.

"How could you do this? Why did you do this? How am I supposed to get the Princess now? You screwed up the story! Fix it! Fix it now!" Mirokuella screamed.

"I can't! Not till midnight, after you go to the ball! Sorry, man, I really am, ok?" Inuyasha answered.

"How can I win Princess Sango now, hm? You have to do something!"

"Well, maybe she's...you know," Inuyasha offered, and stepped back at the look in his charge's eyes.

"She's straight you-you-incompetent jackass! If she wasn't, it wouldn't help me much when this wears off, now would it?!"

The poor Fairy Godfather took the rocks thrown at him in good part. If someone had just given him a sex change and possibly wrecked his only chance for Happily Ever After, he'd do the same.

"Look, just go, be her friend, find out what she wants in a guy, and use it later!" Inuyasha wailed, dodging thrown rocks. Mirokuella paused in mid-throw.

"That could work," he, no, she, allowed.

"See? Come on, go. Have a great time, just be back by midnight. Besides, now you're sure that the twins won't recognize you, so no worries there. Just have some fun, and fill out my customer form saying I did a good job. Because we're friends, right?" Inuyasha suggested, and the bird footman opened the carriage door. Mirokuella looked at the proffered parchments.

"You don't want me to fill that out right now," Mirokuella warned him as she stalked into the carriage. It rumbled off, and Inuyasha yanked off the hat with a scowl. He was fucked, and knew it.

"Peachy," he muttered, and got there by magic first, to make sure things didn't go right down the toilet.

The castle was lit up brightly for Princess Sango's sixteenth birthday. One of the big ones for beautiful princesses, you know. She was happily surveying the party and awaiting the handsome Prince. Because they always came to these things. Dressed in her formal armor, she grinned as yet another guy fawned over her and brought her gifts. Accepting it, she wondered for the thousandth time why she'd been trained as a warrior, and never allowed to do princess things.

Like spin thread.

Her father was sweating as the evening dragged on. Where the hell was he? The Godmother service had promised he'd be here! A kind, poor, handsome, patient man to marry her! Where the hell was he? The little bastard ought to be dancing with her right now! Come on! He called the office again, and it was closed for the weekend! The King wanted to cry.

Instead he painfully kept smiling as all eyes went to the door. Hope leapt-and fell at who stood there. The loveliest girl he'd ever seen was there! She swept in, and went right to the Princess, curtseying and soon striking up a conversation. The man wanted to kill something. Another pretty girl was the last thing he needed right now! Oh, no.

To the poor man's annoyance, this strange princess not only refused to dance with anyone-she kept Sango from doing so as well! In fact, it was like someone was keeping all the men away or something. The girls had a wonderful time, becoming fast friends. Near midnight, Princess Sango unwrapped her gifts, keeping her curiously fidgety new friend right beside her as she did.

"I ought to go!" Mirokuella tried again to flee, and failed.

"Don't be silly! Have another slice of cake. Ohhh, look! A new bridle for my horse! Thank you!" Sango called, that last to the gift giver.

Inuyasha was making hurry up gestures from the sidelines...and swore as he steered another hopeful young man away with his wand's power.

"Such language, young Fairy!" a woman spoke as she suddenly appeared beside him. He stared. She wore the hat of office-but hers was black. She was pretty, but evil poured off her in waves.

"Who the hell are you?" he demanded.

"Senior Fairy Godmother Tsubaki, Evil Division, dearie. You must be Temporary Fairy Godfather Inuyasha, Good Division. A pleasure. Relax, your job's safe, by the way. Home Office is quite pleased that you came to try and help the poor boy. It's a sign you might be good at this business. They always need responsible people, you know. For all your many, many faults, you are an honorable hanyou, and they are happy with your performance," she told him...and he did relax.

"But-"

"They sent you on purpose, dearie. The King tried to pull a fast one, but it's not going to work. Only a Senior Good Fairy making a retroactive Christening Wish could stop what's going to happen, and Home Office said no. Too much magic for one princess, you see. You and your charge will come through just fine, though. Just watch the show, you'll know what to do!" Tsubaki explained, rubbing her hands. She winked, leaving him there as she turned invisible and strolled out to the center of the room.

He did.

Five minutes until midnight, Sango opened a box and didn't know what to make of the gift. She pulled it out-and her father screamed.

"NO!"

"Wha-ow!" Sango jumped at his cry...and pricked her finger. She swooned.

A cloud suddenly boiled up in the center of the room! Menacing, powerful, Tsubaki's face formed in it's depths, a snake twisting around her in an evil frame.

"See the punishment of the proud King! She shall sleep, pricked by the Spindle, until her true love shall awaken her with a kiss! Remember and begone!" she thundered, guests panicking as Mirokuella caught Sango and realized what story this one was!

"NO!" her father screamed, charging-and falling over along with the guards.

"You've got five minutes, good guests! Flee!" Tsubaki roared. More of the castle staff fell over, and people began to trample each other to get out!

"Miroku!" Inuyasha suddenly grabbed his friend and dragged him away, Sango still in Mirokuella's arms. In a few short hours...he'd fallen hard for her.

"What the hell happened?" the temporary maiden demanded, struggling with his burden. Inuyasha solved it by taking both of them in his arms.

"The sleeping curse! Come on! Let's get her to her bedroom and go!" Inuyasha yelled over the crush and shouts. He used the wand to transport them there, and they set her into bed.

"Inuyasha, we can't just leave her here!" Miroku yelled...and cursed at his new form.

"We have to. Story, Miroku! You know how they work! She has to stay here for awhile."

"I can't!"

"You have to. Until you come back and kiss her, I promise," Inuyasha said grimly.

"This isn't over!" Miroku growled as they left.

"No Happily Ever After here. At least," Inuyasha smiled, "not yet."

"Not yet indeed, young hanyou," Tsubaki smiled as the castle fell asleep...and the roses began to grow.

To be continued in "Sleeping Sango"!

Author-s Note-ahhhh. A little surprise for you guys. I decided to try this as a little experiment, combining two of my favorite tales into one! Oh, I'd like to point out that the shoveling reference is to "Little Red Haori Hood" and the job his parents kept threatening him with. Thanks to Harlyn for bringing it up! I hope you enjoyed, and thanks for reading!-Namiyo


	7. Tale the seventh Sleeping Sango

Sleeping Sango

By Namiyo11

Utterly disclaimed! Also a parody.

Once upon a time, in one of those magical forests...

In a castle overgrown with roses red and black, protected by a most fearful guardian, there was an odd sight. People in deep, endless slumber were strewn throughout the mighty keep, lying just where they had been when the curse took hold. And in one chamber, more lovely than the rest, a beautiful Princess lay on her couch, awaiting true love's first kiss to free her from her slumber.

Until a worthy Prince could claim her.

Because of this, a poor but kindly monk was feeling sad.

Miroku had never been more depressed. He'd met his princess and now she was in a magical coma in a castle. He'd had a chance to get away from his stepsisters and finally have his Happily Ever After, and here he was making them breakfast as they discussed the events of the night before. To top it off-his fairy Godfather was a half competent hanyou who'd given him a temporary sex change! Nothing changed! Why? Miroku felt the answer was that it somehow, some way Inuyasha's fault!

After last night's mess, he'd just wandered off somewhere muttering.

In fact, the befuddled but well meaning Fairy Godfather Inuyasha hadn't wandered. He'd gone to Head Office for the godmother service as soon as it opened. He didn't know what else to do, since his assignment was to get Mirokuella to marry the princess, with no mention of any Evil Godmother or anything else. So, he wanted to know what the hell was going on! But the bosses seemed to be out of the offices for the day, and no one seemed to be able to help!

Then he saw Tsubaki drinking coffee in the damned break room!

"Hello, dear-oh!" Tsubaki's eyes crossed when tetsusaiga's point nearly touched her nose. She looked at the drawn sword, and then let her gaze trail up the sword to the wielder.

"Let Sango go!" Inuyasha shouted.

"No. Honestly, put that away! You can't hurt me with it, you know. Not a bit. Godmother battles don't work that way. Frustrated, I take it?" she asked dryly.

"What? Oh, believe me, I can-" he yelled, until she leaned forward and allowed the sword to pass into her face. Nothing happened. He gulped when she pulled back and regarded him with a smile.

"No, dearie. You can't. There are rules, you know. Besides, what I did was nothing personal, just part of the process. I shouldn't even be telling you that much, young fairy, you're supposed to work it out on your own. I am, after all, evil," Tsubaki smiled.

"Don't you ever call me that! Work what out?"

"I suggest you...go read a good book," she winked and teleported out.

He stood there glaring at the empty chair.

So it was that the long suffering Mirokuella was visited by his kindly Fairy Godfather.

Who was ignored as the monk scrubbed the floors.

"Damn it! This is so not my fault!"

Silence.

"Miroku! Answer me!"

Not a word.

"Miroku!"

Still nothing.

"Look-I'm sorry, alright? I'll fix it!"

"I think I've had quite enough help, thank you," Miroku said at last, not even looking up.

"Damn it," Inuyasha muttered, and sat.

"I said-"

"I heard. This ain't right, ok? I can fix it, I just need to find the book."

"Book? What book?" Miroku did look up at that. So the Fairy Godfather explained what Tsubaki had said.

"I don't know what one, though," he finished.

"Oh...I think I know," Miroku answered. He quietly led Inuyasha to the kitchens where he made his home, and rummaged in the thin blankets in the corner that made up his bed. Inuyasha picked up some magazines that fell out and grinned.

"Naughty Princesses? Milkmaid Sluts? Hey-the Girls of the Magical Forrest year end special!"

"Give me those back!" Mirokuella yelped. There was a brief tussle before the kindly Fairy Godfather returned his charge's porn mags. In return he was handed a small but powerful book.

The Little Book of Fairy Tales.

They both set it on the spotless kitchen table and opened it to the Cinder Girl, and then The Sleeping Princess and the Castle of Roses.

"Shit," Inuyasha said at last.

"This is a problem," Mirokuella sighed.

Sure, it explained what had to be done to make the stories work...and they were screwed. Three Good Godmothers had to work together to fight Tsubaki! Mirokuella only had one-because he was unfortunately Cinder Girl, Cinderella, pick a name really. It was an old story.

"I don't suppose you have friends?" the poor but kind monk asked.

"I asked for help, and they didn't do shit!" Inuyasha scowled.

"Well. That's it then, I suppose," Mirokuella-no longer Miroku, sighed. He rose to get back to work.

"No way! We are fixing this, Miroku. You just watch me! No damned old witch is beating me! Oh no. Be ready, we leave at dawn to get her free," Inuyasha vowed. He then stood and grimly pulled out his official Godfather hat, wand, and wings. They were donned like armor, and a wide eyed Miroku watched as he teleported out.

"Now...I'm worried," he said to no one in particular.

All night, the kindly monk prayed for help. If it was for aid in the next day's venture or for protection from his determined, well meaning Godfather was anyone's guess.

Inuyasha, after a long, busy night, arrived in the dawn with two helpers.

Helpers that made Mirokuella gasp. Two others in the hats and glittery, sparkly wings, heavily armed, and ready to fight. One in pink, the other in green, they glared at him as though daring him to say one word.

"Er...but why...?"

"A matter of vengeance. This Sesshomaru will not discuss this matter again, Monk. You will not do so, or I shall kill you," the pink hatted and veiled Fairy Godfather Sesshomaru warned. Tsubaki had dared to imprison and humiliate him! She would pay, even if it meant having to wear this ridiculous outfit. His glittery pink wings fluttered on their own accord, and he scowled.

"Same here! The only reason I'm helping is to clear my gambling debts to their father!" green hat declared. Fairy Godfather Kouga scowled and shoved filmy veil away for the tenth time.

"Oh. Thank you, both of you, and I assure you I shall tell no one," Miroku smiled at them both and bowed respectfully. They just nodded.

"Let's go, I stole those outfits and they need to go back soon," Inuyasha announced.

"Right. What's the plan?" Kouga asked.

"Ok..." Inuyasha consulted the fairy tale book. "He needs armor, a steed, and a sword."

"Alright! Armor! I say he has the finest-" Kouga was cut off by a gentle cough.

"I can't use a sword, and I can barely ride. I'm a monk, not a warrior you know. Staffs, ofuda, that sort of thing," Mirokuella confessed.

"Then do not interfere," Sesshomaru announced, and the Godfathers frowned.

"Shit. We can't fight her-and he's useless. We need a plan," Godfather Inuyasha scowled. But Fairy Godfather Kouga smiled slowly, the cunning wolf already seeing a way around all this.

"All we need is a stupid Prince to do the dirty work," he said.

They all smiled, even Mirokuella.

And so the heavily armed and annoyed Fairy Godfathers arrived at the cottage of a simple woodcutter. At first, it seemed Prince Houjo didn't believe they were really good and gentle Godfathers. He also twitched at the sight of Fairy Godfather Sesshomaru, muttering about how it all made sense now after meeting and proposing to Sesspunzle in the tower. Especially the makeup and the furry fluffy thing.

The kindly Fairy Godfathers with him had to restrain the enraged Sesshomaru.

Indeed, Prince Hojou seemed to believe this was some sort of practical joke. At least, that's what he said when they asked him to help after that unpleasantness. So they just hit him until he agreed that yes, he would go slay the dragon to rescue the fair Princess Sango. They just ignored his comments about wedding her after. Poor Mirokuella had to listen to it the entire way, and used up most of his patience in the process.

When the party arrived at the castle of roses, Fairy Godfather Kouga changed Prince Houjo's kimono into the finest armor, and Fairy Godfather Sesshomaru transformed a mule into a mighty steed to carry him. Fairy Godfather Inuyasha gave him the temporary use of his own sword, Tetsusaiga.

"Er-don't I get a saber or something? Katana, a longsword-?" Houjo asked warily.

"No, so shut up," Inuyasha answered, sounding distracted. His gift was in fact for Mirokuella, and he made sure the monk was placed exactly where he needed to be.

So the handsome Prince Charming mounted his steed, charged and attacked. With a discrete boost or two from his Godfathers, he managed to dodge the flames and fought it easily. He then rode right into the castle.

After all, any Prince worth their salt knew what to do when they slew a dragon.

He dismounted outside the fair Sleeping Sango's chamber, and opened the door to the chamber empty of all but her where she slept. Prince Houjo removed his helm and walked to the curtained bed to behold her, and surely fall deep in love-when something hit him across the back of the head and knocked him out cold!

A staff, to be exact.

The no longer invisible Mirokuella dragged the Prince outside and went back in, shutting the door.

So the Princess was kissed by the one who loved her.

Her eyes opened, and she blushed.

"Who-?" she asked blearily.

"I am your true love, fair Sango, Miroku!" Miroku answered. She smiled. Of course! Her handsome Prince! This was wonderful, and her smile lit the entire room. They held hands-and she was just as in love as he was as they looked into each other's eyes.

Then she heard the groaning outside.

"Who is that, Prince Miroku?" Sango asked.

"Ohhhh, nothing important! But Sango, I have to tell you something-" Miroku answered quickly. The door burst inwards, and an enraged Houjo came back inside. He saw the monk and two plus two made four.

"YOU BASTARD! GET AWAY FROM MY PRINCESS!" the Prince roared.

"What do you mean your Princess?" Sango shook off her sleep and got out of bed.

"You are my Princess! You will marry me! I am a Prince, I killed the dragon and cleared the way in here, not that-that peasant monk and his asshole Fairy Godfathers from hell!"

"Peasant monk...?" Sango looked at Miroku, and he nodded sadly.

"I am but a simple monk, Sango. I met you at the Ball," he confessed. Then he leaned in and whispered to her...and she looked annoyed, then amused, and finally sympathetic.

"I see," she said at last.

"Well since he's confessed, how about a nice wake up execution, hm? Let's kill him and marry, lovely Princess Sango! After you take off that silly dress armor of course and get into a proper gown. Then I shall take you to my castle and we shall live there happily ever after!" Prince Houjo asked, smiling.

She winced at the light bouncing off his perfect teeth.

"I have nothing but respect for your abilities, my Sango," Miroku commented.

"I know that...Mirokuella," Sango smiled.

"Oh, come on! Let's do this already!" Houjo complained.

"Right. So, my armor is silly, is it? Hiraikotsu," that last was to Mirokuella, who happily passed her the Princess' beloved boomerang. Sango had told him all about it at the Ball.

She used it on the poor bewildered Prince Houjo, who soon ran screaming out of the castle with Sango and Miroku in hot pursuit! The Godfathers watching were impressed with her skill as they thoughtfully turned his armor back into a kimono and his mount into a nag. To er...help her of course, not to watch Prince Hojou get his ass handed to him or anything. No. Not at all. Godfather Inuyasha summoned his sword back-and they let him run away.

Laughing, they saw the castle was waking up, and decided it was time to go. Princess Sango was thanking them in the courtyard and promising her silence, Miroku at her side-when everything stopped.

Literally.

Four little globes of light floated into the courtyard, past songbirds frozen in mid flight. The Princess, Mirokuella, and the Godfathers all gulped. Four lights. One green, one blue, and one pink...and one black.

Tsubaki they knew. The little fat ladies in gauzy kimonos and headgear? Those three they knew only by reputation. The Senior Fairy Godmothers. The bosses. The ones who ran the Service. The ladies who'd been off at the Magical Forrest Poker Invitational.

Furo-ra, Dobutsushi, and Meri-kumoyuki.

"My my, young fairy, whatever have you done here?" Dobutsushi asked in dismay.

"Oh dear, quite a mess!" Furo-ra sighed.

"Oh, dear..." Meri-kumoyuki sighed.

"I did my part, honored Seniors, I can promise you that!" Tsubaki said firmly.

"Oh, we know, Tsubaki. But this young Fairy has done some very naughty things!" Furo-ra announced.

"You tricked a Prince, you gave your charge a sex change, and you stole equipment from the Service stores! Then you deputized non Fairy Godmother employees to help you! Honestly, Inuyasha! Whatever were you thinking?" Furo-ra asked sadly.

"I just wanted to help," he answered, and removed his gear. He set it down and turned away. Everyone, even Former Fairy Godfather Sesshomaru, nodded.

"This Sesshomaru has no use for Inuyasha. But he was, for once, acting to help the monk."

"I see. Do not run off, Fairy Godfather. We haven't come here to punish you," Furo-ra said gently, and he stopped.

"You didn't?" Inuyasha asked warily.

"Oh my no! Actually we came to apologize. Meri-kumoyuki here rather forgot to settle which story dear Sango would be in, you see. When we left for the Invitational we forgot all about it!" Furo-ra apologized.

"So true! I am rather absent minded at times, dear Inuyasha," Meri-kumoyuki smiled with embarrassment.

"And she's grown into such a lovely young girl too," Dobutsushi smiled and Sango smiled back.

"She was meant to marry her true love, and I think you managed that. Miroku was to be rescued from his terrible stepsisters, and that's done as well. You acted with courage and kindness, and never gave up. That's what counts. After all, you talked dear Sesshomaru and our sweet Kouga into putting on our uniform, and I would never dare that!" Furo-ra giggled, and it was so infectious even Sesshomaru wanted to laugh.

He didn't-but it was close.

"So...I'm not in trouble or anything?" Inuyasha asked in confusion.

"Oh my no! Now, you will be expected not to call in outside assistance again, and not to hand out wands. Not to mention you will one day help Houjo into his own Happily Ever After, but we want you to stay on full time! Few Fairies would've gone so far to help their charges, and we think, well..." Furo-ra paused.

"Stories occasionally need shaking up, dear. Or they grow stale," Dobutsushi smiled.

"Oh, do stay on! We rather liked how you managed this," Meri-kumoyuki asked sweetly.

"Well...if you need me..." Inuyasha scratched his head in embarrassment. Secretly, he was rather pleased.

"Eh-it's the only job you've done a decent job on, muttface. Go for it," Kouga said as he turned in his gear. Sesshomaru had already done so when no one was looking. Dobutsushi held them and smiled.

"Sure. I can do this stuff," Inuyasha agreed.

"Excellent! Come along, we have paperwork to process. Be happy, children!" Furo-ra called, and not four, but five little lights floated off as time restarted.

One was red.

"You realize that I pity the next milkmaid or miller's boy who gets him as Godfather?" Miroku murmured.

"Oh yeah," everyone nodded and agreed.

"I fucking heard that, Miroku! You will all pay for that!" the little red light yelled down.

And they all lived Happily Ever After.

Mostly.

Author's notes-I think you know who our Senior Godmothers were! If not, think the film Sleeping Beauty. The names have been changed to suit our Japanese characters and to avoid the Disney lawyers lol. Next up is Diamonds and Toads! I hope you enjoyed and thanks for reading as always!-Namiyo


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